Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
