honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Randomize
