im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
