How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
They are going to name an STD after you.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
