He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
