Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Semen is not good for contacts.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Randomize
