i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
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HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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