I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
We are two peas in an std pod
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
