how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
