hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
