I like my sex mixed with concussions.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Randomize
