I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
