so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Randomize
