I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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