Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
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