Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
