I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
