Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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