How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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