Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
