So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
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I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
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I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize