You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
