I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
