The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
