4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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