i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
