I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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