is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Randomize
