dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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