Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Randomize
