hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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