No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
