Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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