No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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