You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
