I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
