careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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