Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
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he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
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I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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