I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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