ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
