My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
