I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
