She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
