he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
