Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
