Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
