I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Randomize
