The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
