i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Someone came in the potted fern
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
