Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
