Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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