and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
it was like having sex with a tree stump
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I think your dad took our porno
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Randomize
