is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Randomize
