I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
