He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Randomize
