I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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