dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
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