So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
