when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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