True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
