Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
