Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
where am i from again
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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