Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Randomize
