And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
