I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
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Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
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blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
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