You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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