I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Randomize
