Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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