He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
