Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
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I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
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Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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