All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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